I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
