Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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