Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
