shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
