I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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