Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
