after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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