I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
