She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
is it fun? or sober?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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