If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
