I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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