she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
my liver is dry heaving
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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