Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
ttyl tear gas
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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