I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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