I'm jealous of your bromance
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Green mimosas i think yes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
