I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
