Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
