I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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