So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
