I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
