walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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