And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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