dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
