you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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