Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
