I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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