just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
