Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
