i jhust puked up my retainher.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
