Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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