I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
