i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
