I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize