fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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