Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
