Got a toothbrush?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
