That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
