my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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