we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
