Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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