But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I wish I could teleport
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
