It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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