When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize