Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
