I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
