I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
