Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
