We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
