I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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