I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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