i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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