she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
