Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize