my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
