Just fell off a train. Bad.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize