We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
