census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
