Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
