my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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