i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
