Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
