Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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