I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
