the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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