Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
