my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also, beer. Big fan.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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