Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They took my balls.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
